Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Welcome to the hub page for "How to Create Happiness," an exclusive online course only available on Intent.com.
The online course is divided into two parts. Part I is composed of 8 lessons and based on the book "The Ultimate Happiness Prescription: 7 Keys to Joy and Enlightenment" by Deepak Chopra.Part II is composed of 8 lessons and based on the book "The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to getting the Life You Want" by Sonja Lyubomirsky. By combining the spiritual principles of happiness with the scientifically proven research behind happiness, this online course strives to offer a more holistic approach to your lasting joy and inner peace.
Get Notified When the Full Course Launches
PART I: The Ultimate Happiness Prescription By Deepak Chopra
- The First Key: Be Aware Of Your Body
- The Second Key: Find True Self-Esteem
- The Third Key: Detoxify Your Life
- The Fourth Key: Give Up Being Right
- The Fifth Key: Focus On the Present
- The Sixth Key: See the World In Yourself
- The Seventh Key: Live For Enlightenment
PART II: The How of Happiness By Sonja Lyubomirsky
- Lesson 1: Introduction: How Happy Are You?
- Lesson 2: Practicing Gratitude and Positive Thinking
- Lesson 3: Avoiding Overthinking and Social Comparison
- Lesson 4: Investing in Social Connections
- Lesson 5: Managing Stress, Hardship and Trauma
- Lesson 6: Living In The Present
- Lesson 7: Taking Care of Your Body and Soul
- Lesson 8: The Five Hows Behind Sustainable Happiness
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The second app, Live Happy, is a positive psychology iPhone app developed by Signal Patterns together with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, which lets users follow a set of empirically-proven methods to increase short and long term happiness. More on Live Happy may be found at www.LiveHappyApp.com.
Free Deepak Chopra Webinar, January 12th 3pm
For the Chopra Center’s first-ever webinar, David Simon, Amanda Linkul, and Libby Carstensen will explore timeless teachings for spiritual awakening, emotional wellbeing, and true happiness.
The live discussion will offer insight into the tools and practices taught at the Chopra Center’s signature meditation retreat, Seduction of Spirit. The webinar will focus on the practice of meditation, including:
- The power of meditation to connect us to expanded states of awareness
- The latest scientific research on meditation
- Common misconceptions about meditation
- What it’s like to experience a meditation retreat
- How meditation relieves stress, anxiety, and depression
- Why meditation helps slow the aging process
- Developing your own daily meditation practice
- Meditation as a profound tool for accessing your inner wisdom
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21 Day Consciousness Cleanse
A great way to start the new year and refocus! 21 Day Consciousness Cleanse
Saturday, January 9, 2010
DBT 8: Emotion Regulation & Reducing Vulnerability
What is Emotion Regulation?
Our emotions can frequently be very intense and labile, which means they change often. Our emotions often drive our behavior. A lot of our behavior focuses around finding ways to get our emotions validated or to get rid of the pain in some way. Because of this, learning to regulate emotions is a central part of DBT. This does not mean that the emotions are invalid, and it does not mean that we are trying to get rid of them. They are valid and important. But because emotions can cause pain or make us feeling out of control, we are going to first learn some things about our emotions and where they come from, and then we will learn some techniques about managing our emotions, reducing our vulnerability to negative emotions, and learning to experience some positive emotions so that we can keep things in perspective and stay in Wise Mind as much as possible.
Primary and Secondary Emotions
There are primary and secondary emotions. The secondary emotion is the one that follows the primary or first emotion, for example, feeling shame because you got angry. Anger is the primary emotion, and shame is the secondary emotion. A person can get angry for being angry, or depressed for being depressed, or angry for feeling fear. In these three cases, anger, depression and anger are the secondary emotions. It's important to be able to tell which emotions are the primary emotions and which are the secondary emotions. Neither are good or bad, but to get back to the original problem and work on solving it, it is necessary usually to deal with the primary emotions.
The Function Of Emotions Until we begin to understand the functions of emotions, why we have them, what their effect is on others, we cannot expect ourselves to change them.
DBT looks at three major functions of emotions:
1. Emotions Communicate to and Influence Others.
2. Emotions Organize and Motivate Action
3. Emotions Can be Self-Validating
DBT looks at three major functions of emotions:
1. Emotions Communicate to and Influence Others.
2. Emotions Organize and Motivate Action
3. Emotions Can be Self-Validating
Emotions Communicate to and Influence Others. We communicate our emotions to other with verbal and non-verbal language. Some expressions of emotion have an automatic effect on others. When there is a difference in what a person communicates non-verbally versus verbally, the other person will usually respond to the non-verbal expression. Non-verbal emotional expressions do not always match inside feelings so people can misunderstand what we are feeling.
Emotions Organize and Motivate Action Emotions prepare for and motivate action. There is an action urge connected to specific emotions that is hard-wired. Emotions can also help us overcome obstacles in our environment. An example is the anxiety someone feels when they are about to take a test. This anxiety, though it's uncomfortable, helps to motivate you to study so you will do well on the test.
Emotions Can be Self-Validating Emotions can give us information about a situation or event. They can signal to us that something is going on. Sometimes signals about a situation will be picked up unconsciously, and then we may have an emotional reaction, but not be sure what set off the reaction. Feeling "something doesn't feel right about this" or "I had a feeling something was going to happen and it did" are some of the signals we might get. It can be difficult for people to acknowledge these emotions, because we have been in invalidating environments -- so much that we don't trust our emotions. If our emotions are minimized or invalidated, it's hard to get our needs taken seriously. So we may increase the intensity of our emotions in order to get our needs met. And then if we decrease the intensity of our emotions, we may find again that we are not taken seriously.
Emotions Can be Self-Validating Emotions can give us information about a situation or event. They can signal to us that something is going on. Sometimes signals about a situation will be picked up unconsciously, and then we may have an emotional reaction, but not be sure what set off the reaction. Feeling "something doesn't feel right about this" or "I had a feeling something was going to happen and it did" are some of the signals we might get. It can be difficult for people to acknowledge these emotions, because we have been in invalidating environments -- so much that we don't trust our emotions. If our emotions are minimized or invalidated, it's hard to get our needs taken seriously. So we may increase the intensity of our emotions in order to get our needs met. And then if we decrease the intensity of our emotions, we may find again that we are not taken seriously.
Describing Emotions. Emotions involve what we call action urges. An important function of emotions is to prompt behaviors. For example if we feel angry, we may be prompted to fight. Or if we feel fear, we may be prompted to run or flee. The action itself, the fighting, or running, or hugging is not part of the emotion, but the urge to do the action, the feeling that prompts you to do the action, is considered part of the feeling.
Prompting Event. Emotions can be either reactions to events in the environment or to things inside a person. These events and things are called PROMPTING EVENTS. They prompt, or call forth the emotion. A person's thoughts, behaviors and physical reactions prompt emotions. Prompting events can be events happening in the present or a memory, a thought, or even another feeling (we feel ashamed, and then feel angry about feeling ashamed, for example). In managing our emotions, it is important to be able to recognize prompting events.
Interpretation of an Event or Experience. Most events outside ourselves don't prompt emotions. It is the interpretation of the event that prompts the emotion. Can you see that the emotion comes after the interpretation is made, after you have the thought about the reason something is happening?
Prompting Event. Emotions can be either reactions to events in the environment or to things inside a person. These events and things are called PROMPTING EVENTS. They prompt, or call forth the emotion. A person's thoughts, behaviors and physical reactions prompt emotions. Prompting events can be events happening in the present or a memory, a thought, or even another feeling (we feel ashamed, and then feel angry about feeling ashamed, for example). In managing our emotions, it is important to be able to recognize prompting events.
Interpretation of an Event or Experience. Most events outside ourselves don't prompt emotions. It is the interpretation of the event that prompts the emotion. Can you see that the emotion comes after the interpretation is made, after you have the thought about the reason something is happening?
Body Changes. Emotions involve body changes such as tensing and relaxing muscles, changes in heart rate, breathing rate, skin temperature, rises and falls in blood pressure, etc. When we experience emotions, there are changes in our bodies. To regulate our emotions we have to be pretty good at sensing what is going on in our bodies. If we have practiced shutting off our body sensations, this can be difficult. However it is a learned response and we can unlearn it by practicing something else.
Action Urges. An important thing that emotions do is to prompt behaviors. An action urge may be to fight or attack verbally in anger, or to flee or hide in fear, etc. What are some action urges that you might have for these emotions: anger, fear, sadness, shame, disgust, surprise, etc.?
Expression and Communication. One of the most important functions of emotions is to COMMUNICATE. To communicate something, an emotion has to be expressed. Sometimes, if we have not learned to express our emotions, we may think we are communicating but the other person isn't getting it. This can cause misunderstanding. Emotions are expressed by facial expressions, words and actions. Expressing emotions through behaviors can also cause problems, because different people interpret behaviors in different ways.
After Effects. Emotions have after effects on our thoughts, our physical function and our behavior. Sometimes these effects can last quite a while. One after effect is that an emotion can keep triggering the same emotion over and over.
Reducing Vulnerability To Negative Emotion
This is a skills that we can use to keep ourselves less vulnerable to having negative emotions, and less likely to get into a state of Emotion Mind, where emotions control our thoughts and actions. These skills are things that affect your physical and your mental well-being. If we are feeling sick, hungry, tired, under the influence of drugs, don't get much exercise or aren't doing something in our day that gives us a sense of mastery or accomplishment, we are more likely to be vulnerable to negative emotions, to experience or see the negative than the positive, less able to handle situations and interactions with our Wise Mind.
Linehan uses this chart as a way of remembering these skills, with the phrase "P L E A S E M A S T E R."
treat PhysicaL illness
balance Eating
avoid mood-Altering drugs
balance Sleep
get Exercise
build M A S T E R y
Linehan uses this chart as a way of remembering these skills, with the phrase "P L E A S E M A S T E R."
treat PhysicaL illness
balance Eating
avoid mood-Altering drugs
balance Sleep
get Exercise
build M A S T E R y
P & L: Treat Physical illness Do you have a physical illness that needs to be tended to? What things keep you from treating your physical illness? Take some time to think about this, and see what it would take for you to take care of your physical needs.
E: Balance Eating How well do you eat? What kinds of food do you eat? What foods make you feel good? Calm? Energized? What foods make you feel bad? How does eating a lot of sugar make you feel? Caffeine? The key here is to eat foods that are healthy and that make you feel good.
A: Avoid Mood-Altering Drugs Alcohol and drugs can lower resistance to certain negative emotions. For example, I found that when I drank alcohol, I felt more depressed and sometimes more frightened. If you use drugs or alcohol, notice how they make you feel.
S: Balance Sleep How much sleep makes you feel good? Some people do fine on 5-6 hours, others need 9-10 hours. Some people need to nap during the day. Learn to plan your schedule so that you get the sleep you need.
E: Get Exercise Regular exercise, besides being good for your heart, lungs, muscles and bones, stimulates endorphins in your brain which are natural antidepressants. We are talking about aerobic exercise, the kind that makes you out of breath.
MASTER: Build MASTERY Do things every day that make you feel competent, confident, that you are good at something or are learning something. What kinds of things are you good at doing? Can you learn a new skill? What kinds of things give you a sense of mastery, of being good at something or meeting a challenge? Sometimes these things will be a little bit hard or challenging.
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/print014.html
For more information about DBT, please visit the following links or Google Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com
http://www.behavioraltech.org
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com
http://www.behavioraltech.org
Thursday, January 7, 2010
DBT 7: Distress Tolerance
Distress module provides important tools to help you to return to Wise Mind when your emotions become too powerful. These are not permanent avoidance tactics. They are simple and important outs which will allow you a breather so that you can refocus, return to mindfulness and act effectively. Important in this too are tools for self soothing and handling painful situations in non-judgmental ways. They help you to accept reality even if you don’t approve of what’s going on.
Distress Tolerance: Crisis Survival Strategies
DBT teaches us four sets of skills for tolerating (dealing with, getting through, accepting) the distressing events and activities in our lives. We can think of these as Crisis Survival Strategies. Some of them will fit and feel right, others won’t. Out of these skills, it is recommended to try them all and identify which especially work or apply to you. They are:
· Distracting - Wise Mind ACCEPTS
· Self-Soothing
· Improving the Moment
· Thinking of Pros and Cons
DBT emphasizes learning to handle difficult situations skillfully. The ability to tolerate and accept distress is an essential mental health goal for at least two reasons.
1. Pain and distress are a part of life; they cannot be entirely avoided or removed. The inability to accept this immutable fact itself leads to increased pain and suffering.
2. Distress tolerance, at least over the short run, is part and parcel of any attempt to change oneself; otherwise, impulsive actions will interfere with efforts to establish desired changes.
Although the stance advocated here is a nonjudgmental one, this should not be understood to mean that it is one of approval. It is especially important that this distinction be made clear to clients: Acceptance of reality is not equivalent to approval of reality.
Although the stance advocated here is a nonjudgmental one, this should not be understood to mean that it is one of approval. It is especially important that this distinction be made clear to clients: Acceptance of reality is not equivalent to approval of reality.
Crisis Survival Strategies The following are techniques to give you a break from dealing with negative emotions temporarily. They give you a break and allow you to transition from emotional mind to wise mind in order to effectively handle the situation.
DISTRACT (to reduce contact with emotional stimuli )
A useful way to remember these skills is the phrase Wise Mind ACCEPTS
A useful way to remember these skills is the phrase Wise Mind ACCEPTS
Distract with Activities: Activity raises endorphin levels and gets you out of the crisis situation for a while. Do hobbies, watch a video, go for a walk, play a sport, cook, garden, go fishing, go shopping.
· What other activities can you think of that you can get involved in and distract yourself from your distress? Make a list of your activities and keep that handy so that you can relate to it when needed.
Distract with Contributing: Do volunteer work and contribute. Babysit so a friend can go out. Do something nice or surprisingly thoughtful for someone.
· What have you done this week to contribute? What can you do next week to contribute? Plan something in advance. This takes you away from your pain and puts your attention on your concern for someone else.
Distract with Comparisons: Compare yourself to people coping the same as or less well than you. If you are doing better than you were a year or two ago, make that comparison. Watch disaster movies, watch soap operas, or a hospital waiting room. Some people find this helpful, others don't. Just do what works for you.
Distract with opposite Emotions. Do something to evoke the opposite emotion to what you are feeling. If you are sad, watch a comedy or amusing anecdote. This helps to put you in a different place.
With Pushing Away (use this skill last - as a tuning out): Push the situation away by leaving it for a while, leave the situation mentally or physically. Build an imaginary wall between yourself and the situation or push the situation away by blocking it out of your mind. Censor ruminating. Refuse to think about the painful aspects of the situation. Put the pain on a shelf. Box it up and put it away for a while.
Distract with opposite Emotions. Do something to evoke the opposite emotion to what you are feeling. If you are sad, watch a comedy or amusing anecdote. This helps to put you in a different place.
With Pushing Away (use this skill last - as a tuning out): Push the situation away by leaving it for a while, leave the situation mentally or physically. Build an imaginary wall between yourself and the situation or push the situation away by blocking it out of your mind. Censor ruminating. Refuse to think about the painful aspects of the situation. Put the pain on a shelf. Box it up and put it away for a while.
Distract with other Thoughts This is essentially a mini-meditation. Some examples are counting to 10 or counting the tiles in a floor or the panes in a window or the stars in the sky, anything to keep your focus on the counting. This is a good one to use in a sudden emergency, when you need to pull something out of your bag of tricks really quickly. You may also try reading, watching TV or movies, doing crossword puzzles, writing poetry.
Distract with other Sensations. (other intense sensations): Hold ice in your hand, squeeze a rubber ball very hard, take a hot shower, listen to loud music, sex, snap a rubber band on your wrist, suck on a lemon. Any of these will help you to avert crisis.
Again, these are not permanent avoidance techniques. They are tools and avenues to take when your emotions are too hot to act effectively. They are good transitions back to wise mind and mentally give you a break from a difficult situation.
SELF SOOTHE A way to remember these skills is to think of soothing each of your FIVE SENSES
With VISION:
Buy one beautiful flower, make one space in a room pretty, light a candle and watch the flame. Set a pretty place at the table, using your best things for a meal. Go to a museum with beautiful art. Go sit in the lobby of a beautiful old hotel. Look at nature around you. Go out in the middle of the night and watch the stars. Walk in a pretty part of the town. Fix your nails so they look pretty. Look at beautiful pictures in a book. Go to a ballet or other dance performance, or watch one on TV. Be mindful of each sight that passes in front of you, not lingering on any. Notice your appreciation.
Buy one beautiful flower, make one space in a room pretty, light a candle and watch the flame. Set a pretty place at the table, using your best things for a meal. Go to a museum with beautiful art. Go sit in the lobby of a beautiful old hotel. Look at nature around you. Go out in the middle of the night and watch the stars. Walk in a pretty part of the town. Fix your nails so they look pretty. Look at beautiful pictures in a book. Go to a ballet or other dance performance, or watch one on TV. Be mindful of each sight that passes in front of you, not lingering on any. Notice your appreciation.
With HEARING:
Listen to beautiful or soothing music, or to invigorating and exciting music. Pay attention to sounds of nature like waves, birds rainfall, rustling leaves. Sing your favorite songs, hum a soothing tune, learn to play an instrument. Call 800 or other information numbers to hear a human voice. Be mindful of any sounds that come your way, letting them go in one ear and out the other.
With SMELL:
Use your favorite perfume or lotions, or try them on in the store, spray fragrance in the air, light a scented candle. Put lemon oil on your furniture. Put potpourris in a bowl in your room. Boil cinnamon, bake cookies, cake or bread. Smell the roses. Walk in a wooded area and mindfully breathe in the fresh smells of nature.
Use your favorite perfume or lotions, or try them on in the store, spray fragrance in the air, light a scented candle. Put lemon oil on your furniture. Put potpourris in a bowl in your room. Boil cinnamon, bake cookies, cake or bread. Smell the roses. Walk in a wooded area and mindfully breathe in the fresh smells of nature.
With TASTE:
Have a good meal, have a favorite soothing drink, such as herbal tea or hot chocolate (but no alcohol). Treat yourself to a dessert. Put whipped cream on your coffee. Sample flavors at an ice cream store. Suck on a piece of peppermint candy. Chew your favorite gum. Get a little bit of special food you don't usually spend the money on, such as fresh squeezed orange juice or organic vegetables. Really taste the food you eat, eating one thing mindfully and focusing on its taste.
Have a good meal, have a favorite soothing drink, such as herbal tea or hot chocolate (but no alcohol). Treat yourself to a dessert. Put whipped cream on your coffee. Sample flavors at an ice cream store. Suck on a piece of peppermint candy. Chew your favorite gum. Get a little bit of special food you don't usually spend the money on, such as fresh squeezed orange juice or organic vegetables. Really taste the food you eat, eating one thing mindfully and focusing on its taste.
With TOUCH: Experience whatever you are touching, notice that the touch is soothing. Take a bubble bath, put clean sheets on the bed, pet your dog or cat, have a massage, soak your feet, put creamy lotion on your whole body. Put a cold compress on your forehead, sink into a really comfortable chair in a hotel lobby or in your home, put on a silky blouse, dress, or scarf. Try on fur-lined gloves. Brush your hair for a long time. Hug someone.
IMPROVE THE MOMENT: A way to remember these skills is in the word IMPROVE
With IMAGERY: Imagine very relaxing scenes or soldiers fighting and winning. Imagine a secret room within yourself, seeing how it is decorated. Go into the room whenever you feel threatened. Close the door on anything that can hurt you. Imagine everything going well. Imagine coping well. Imagine hurtful emotions draining out of you like water out of a pipe.
With MEANING: Find or create some purpose, meaning or value in physical or emotional pain. Remember, listen to, or read about spiritual values. Focus on whatever positive aspects of a painful situation you can find. Repeat them over and over in your mind. Make lemonade out of lemons. Endurance is the lesson.
With PRAYER: Open your heart to spirituality. It could be a God, nature or your own wise mind for instance.
With RELAXATION: Try relaxing each large muscle group, starting with your hands and arms, going to the top of your head, and then working down. Listen to a relaxation tape, exercise hard, take a hot bath, or get a massage. Breathe deeply, half-smile, change your facial expression. Just the act of smiling will uplift you. Try a smile even when you are upset.
With ONE THING IN THE MOMENT: Focus your entire attention on just what you are doing right now. Keep yourself in the very moment you are in. Focus your entire attention on physical sensations that accompany nonjudgmental tasks. (e.g. walking, washing, doing dishes, cleaning, fixing). Be aware of how your body moves during each task. Do awareness exercises.
With VACATION: Give yourself a brief vacation. For instance, from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m., get in bed and pull the covers over your head for 20 minutes. Rent a hotel room at the beach or in the woods for a day or two. Unplug your phone for a day, or let your answering machine screen your calls. Take a 1 hour breather from work that needs to be done. Look at a magazine, bundle up in a chair, eat slowly. Allow yourself to be a kid again - take a break from adulthood.
With ENCOURAGEMENT: Cheer lead yourself. Repeat over and over: “I can make it. This won't last forever. I will make it out of this. I'm doing the best I can. I can do it. There’s a lesson to learn here.”
Thinking of PROS and CONS
· Make a list of the pros and cons of tolerating the distress. Make another list of the pros and cons of not tolerating the distress - that is, of coping by hurting yourself, abusing alcohol, or drugs, or doing something else impulsive.
· Focus on long-term goals, the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember times when pain has ended. Think of the positive consequences of tolerating the distress.
· Imagine in your mind how good you will feel if you achieve your goals, if you don't act impulsively.
· Think of all of the negative consequences of not tolerating your current distress. Remember what has happened in the past when you have acted impulsively to escape the moment. Ask yourself, “Will this event that is distressing me going to matter in 5 years?”
DBT 6: Mind States – Accessing Your Wise Mind
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To review: the central concept of DBT is mindfulness. The concept of mindfulness comes from both Western and especially Eastern (Zen) meditation and spiritual practices. Mindfulness means being in the present, being aware of what is happening and what you are doing, observing what is going on, participating fully in what is going on around you. It is a skill that is practiced and learned throughout DBT, little bit by little bit. By learning to live in the present, you can have a life that is more in tune with your goals. The three primary states of mind are Reasonable Mind, Emotion Mind and Wise Mind. Reasonable Mind A person is in Reasonable Mind when they are approaching things intellectually, thinking logically, planning behavior, paying attention to empirical facts (facts that can be observed or measured or counted), focusing their attention, and when they are "cool," that is, not emotional in their approach to solving problems. Consider: What are some examples of the way you use Reasonable Mind? How can Reasonable Mind be helpful? Can you think of any times when it is not helpful to be in Reasonable Mind? Emotion Mind A person is in Emotion Mind when their thinking and behavior are controlled mostly by their emotions. Logical thinking and planning are difficult, facts may be distorted or made larger or more important, thoughts and behaviors might be said to be "hot," and the energy of the behavior tends to match the intensity of the feelings. Emotion Mind is reactive. Some examples of emotion mind might be: · having a fight with someone you disagree with · going on a trip on an impulse, without planning · going out to fly a kite just for the fun of it · snapping at a salesperson because they don't have the item you want Consider: What do you do when you are in Emotion Mind? In what ways can it be helpful or good to be in Emotion Mind? What are ways that it might not be helpful to be in Emotion Mind? Wise Mind Wise Mind is the coming together, the overlap of Reasonable Mind and Emotion Mind. In this overlap, they produce something bigger than either of them were separately. What is added is intuition, a feeling of "knowing" what's right, the right thing to do or the right way for things to be. You can experience intuition about what's right or appropriate without thinking about it; the wisdom becomes natural. As you bring Wise Mind skills to problems, you will develop mastery. Mastery, the feeling of being competent and under control, does NOT mean you won’t make mistakes. Keep practicing. "Wise mind is that part of each person that can know and experience truth. It is where the person knows something to be true or valid. It is almost always quiet, It has a certain peace. It is where the person knows something in a centered way." (Linehan) Sometimes you may access wisdom when suddenly confronted by another person and stay calm under pressure. Sometimes you may find that in the midst of crisis you intuitively know the right thing to do. Sometimes approaching a difficult problem generates an insight that unlocks an inner door. Sometimes Wise Mind is seeing the whole picture not just the parts. Sometimes when faced with a difficult dilemma, Wise Mind reveals a clear choice. You will develop self-agency and self-awareness as you develop mindfulness, regulate your emotions, are effective interpersonally, and tolerate distress. Self-agency is the feeling you have when you are in control of your own behavior. Rather than feeling your behavior just happens, self-agency owns the behavior and takes responsibility for it. Self-awareness is the sense you have that your different roles, feelings, attitudes, and mental states fit together coherently. Qualities of Wise Mind Wise Mind is calm. It is almost always quiet and peaceful. When change or acceptance is necessary Wise mind is the serenity of knowing which course to take. Wise Mind is not trapped in all-or-nothing thinking and can focus on what is effective and functional. In Wise Mind, you are in control of emotional mind. Behavior is not mood dependent (controlled by one’s emotions) but at the service of one’s inner wisdom. Eventually, objective self-observation and self-description are attainable from this slightly detached point of view. In fact, you can learn to experience extreme emotions like anger or fear while staying in Wise Mind. This takes lots of practice – for everybody. Likewise, in Wise Mind, you are able to access the knowledge of reasonable mind. Wise Mind is courageous, i.e. feels scared but does what is needed in the situation anyway. Willingness is doing what is needed in each situation. Willingness often requires courage. Wise Mind is confident. Self-confidence is knowing you can handle whatever problems in life comes along. When Wise Mind becomes clear, fear disappears. Wise Mind knows you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. When you skillfully approach your problems, you are in Wise Mind and doing the best you can. Through mindfulness, you will develop the skills to access your Wise Mind. With Wise Mind as the basis for problem solving, you will improve the quality of your life. Everyone has this Wise Mind. Some of you may not have found it yet. But it is important that you learn to find a place of calmness inside you, to let go of the intense emotions, so that you can sense the wisdom inside you. Some of you will experience Wise Mind after a crisis. It is like the calm after the storm. | |||
Meditation and Wise Mind
Mindfulness exercises like meditation develop inner calm, emotional control, perseverance, and a strong sense of self. Meditation heals the damage of stress. One of the simplest meditation exercises is to follow your breathing. When you meditate on your breath, you can find Wise Mind in the physical center found at the bottom of your inhalation. You can develop the ability to find your center during meditation and get to know this calm centered place well. If you learn where your center is and how it feels, you can go to this place, confident that you are responding in Wise Mind. Although meditation may be unfamiliar, you can cultivate the ability to be mindful.
Meditation and mindfulness develop your ability to observe what is going on within yourself in any situation. One way that people commonly experience this is to step back from one’s thoughts and feelings and release your attachment to these mental phenomena. The goal here is to reflect on your thinking and feeling, independent of the circumstances, observing what is going on in one’s mind like watching clouds drift through the sky.
Consider:
Do you ever have this intuition that something just "feels right?" The right thing to do or say or plan for? Could you give us an example?
Do you have other ways of knowing this? This is what we mean by Wise Mind. It takes into account your logical thinking and planning and your emotions, but it's something more, a place of calmness and wisdom.
Do you have other ways of knowing this? This is what we mean by Wise Mind. It takes into account your logical thinking and planning and your emotions, but it's something more, a place of calmness and wisdom.
DBT 5: Being Effective - Doing What Works
Lesson 5: Being Effective - Doing What Works
The goal of this lesson is to focus on being effective -- to focus on doing what works, rather than what is "right" versus "wrong" or "fair" versus "unfair." Another way to think of it is as the opposite of "cutting off your nose to spite your face." In our study of mindfulness as it applies to DBT Skills, we have looked at: states of mind (reasonable/wise/emotion mind), the mindfulness "what" skills (observing, describing, participating), and two of the mindfulness "how" skills (taking a nonjudgmental stance, focusing on one thing in the moment). We will now add the third mindfulness "how" skill: Being Effective. This is directed at reducing our tendency at times to be more concerned with what is "right" than with doing what is actually needed or called for in a particular situation.
“A central issue for many of us is whether we can indeed trust our own perceptions judgments, and decisions -- that is, whether we can expect our own actions to be correct or "right." However, taken to an extreme, an emphasis on principles over outcome can often result in our being disappointed or alienating others. In the end, everyone has to "give in" some of the time. It can be much easier to give up being right for being effective when we view it as a skillful response.” (see Marsha Linehan, p. 64-65)
“A central issue for many of us is whether we can indeed trust our own perceptions judgments, and decisions -- that is, whether we can expect our own actions to be correct or "right." However, taken to an extreme, an emphasis on principles over outcome can often result in our being disappointed or alienating others. In the end, everyone has to "give in" some of the time. It can be much easier to give up being right for being effective when we view it as a skillful response.” (see Marsha Linehan, p. 64-65)
It seems that Effectiveness is often tied up with “Radical Acceptance,” one of the Distress Tolerance skills we will learn about. I don’t have to like the situation or agree with the other person. Even if I am right and the other person is clearly “wrong,” it might be most effective to let it go. In order to help me achieve an effective outcome and maintain balance, I can radically accept the situation. It’s all about economy of energy and overall effectiveness. Sometimes, it’s worth losing a battle to win the war. You have an overall objective in each encounter. Keep that in mind, and let that objective help to guide your responses.
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Exercises
· Do you remember the last time you "cut off your nose to spite your face" just to make a point? Have you ever played by the rules to get something you really needed, e.g., health care for yourself or another family member? How did that feel at the time? (Perhaps you felt like you were sacrificing some of your self-respect for the sake of achieving your objective.) How do you feel about it now? (Perhaps you feel like you acted effectively.)
· Are there situations in your life right now where vengeance, useless anger or righteousness are keeping your from being effective?
DBT 4 - One Mindfulness: One Thing at a Time
DBT 4 - One Mindfulness: One Thing at a Time
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Photography is a mindfulness activity. It requires focus to find something worthwhile in the rubble.
Think of one that you might be able to practice!
DBT 3: Nonjudgmental Stance Solidifies Your Goal Oriented Direction => B A L A N C E
DBT 3: Nonjudgmental Stance Solidifies Your Goal Oriented Direction =B A L A N C E
The Nonjudgmental Stance is the last of the “What” skills in the Mindfulness Module of DBT and is an important piece of DBT’s foundation and Zen Buddhism. As you practice the nonjudgmental stance, you will become more understanding and less reactive. You will also be able to use the stance to deescalate emotional situations. Acting without judgment becomes an anchor in your equilibrium and allows you to be more strategic and act more effectively by keeping balanced (ultimate goal).
First was Observe, in which we paid attention to ourselves, our environment, and others around us. When observing, the trick was to just notice things like, “I notice I’m thinking about the future,” or “I notice my pulse is faster when I’m talking to Amy.”
Next was Describe, in which we would put words on the things we observed. Some people described very simple things like washing the dishes or going for a walk, but found that by describing, they felt like they were better able to pay attention to the present moment.
Next was Participate, where we allowed ourselves to be completely immersed in the moment, focusing in a way that made us forget everything else.
Nonjudgmental Stance is the platform from which we base all of our Wise Mind actions. We are conditioned to placing judgments on our observations. To use the examples above, I may notice that I’m thinking about the future, but it’s likely my next thought will be something like, “I’m not doing DBT correctly since I’m thinking about the future. Therefore I am bad or wrong or incompetent.” This is a judgment of the observation and it is not helpful.
The point of taking a nonjudgmental stance is to give ourselves an opportunity to think differently about things we normally observe observe the same old things in our environment or about other people. If I withhold my judgment about what it means to think about the future, and simply observe it, note it and let the thought move away, I have an opportunity to treat myself more gently – even positively. When I still have a judgmental thought (we’re human!), I can observe that I had the thought, then let it go. That’s the beauty of nonjudgmental stance; all the negative information we’re so used to processing is suddenly cut off and a gentleness takes over.
If you consider another observation, “I notice my pulse is faster when I’m talking to Amy,” we can see how the nonjudgmental stance can change a potentially volatile situation into a healing moment in which I can learn something about myself. My temptation is to think, “my pulse is faster because she’s rotten and I can’t stand listening to her and now she’s yelling at me because she hates me” and so I react and get defensive. Instead, I take a step back, let her have her moment and I just listen. I don’t take on her emotions, I merely observe. And somehow, the entire situation feels different. “Healing is just a different way of seeing.” We want to break this reactive cycle before it begins by doing our best to experience without judgment.
The nonjudgmental stance is especially impactful when applied to complex observations and descriptions of emotions but it’s good to practice with more benign things like taking a nonjudgmental stance about everyday events like a walk in the park, etc.
First was Observe, in which we paid attention to ourselves, our environment, and others around us. When observing, the trick was to just notice things like, “I notice I’m thinking about the future,” or “I notice my pulse is faster when I’m talking to Amy.”
Next was Describe, in which we would put words on the things we observed. Some people described very simple things like washing the dishes or going for a walk, but found that by describing, they felt like they were better able to pay attention to the present moment.
Next was Participate, where we allowed ourselves to be completely immersed in the moment, focusing in a way that made us forget everything else.
Nonjudgmental Stance is the platform from which we base all of our Wise Mind actions. We are conditioned to placing judgments on our observations. To use the examples above, I may notice that I’m thinking about the future, but it’s likely my next thought will be something like, “I’m not doing DBT correctly since I’m thinking about the future. Therefore I am bad or wrong or incompetent.” This is a judgment of the observation and it is not helpful.
The point of taking a nonjudgmental stance is to give ourselves an opportunity to think differently about things we normally observe observe the same old things in our environment or about other people. If I withhold my judgment about what it means to think about the future, and simply observe it, note it and let the thought move away, I have an opportunity to treat myself more gently – even positively. When I still have a judgmental thought (we’re human!), I can observe that I had the thought, then let it go. That’s the beauty of nonjudgmental stance; all the negative information we’re so used to processing is suddenly cut off and a gentleness takes over.
If you consider another observation, “I notice my pulse is faster when I’m talking to Amy,” we can see how the nonjudgmental stance can change a potentially volatile situation into a healing moment in which I can learn something about myself. My temptation is to think, “my pulse is faster because she’s rotten and I can’t stand listening to her and now she’s yelling at me because she hates me” and so I react and get defensive. Instead, I take a step back, let her have her moment and I just listen. I don’t take on her emotions, I merely observe. And somehow, the entire situation feels different. “Healing is just a different way of seeing.” We want to break this reactive cycle before it begins by doing our best to experience without judgment.
The nonjudgmental stance is especially impactful when applied to complex observations and descriptions of emotions but it’s good to practice with more benign things like taking a nonjudgmental stance about everyday events like a walk in the park, etc.
What Does It Mean to Judge an Observation?
± Observation = I notice that I am feeling sad.
± Observation and Description = I notice that the corners of my mouth are turned down, my jaw muscles are tense, my eyelids seem heavy. I notice that I am tired and feel like I could cry. I notice that there is an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach.
± Judgment = Sadness is a bad emotion. When I am sad I am bad. Something is wrong with me because I feel sad.
± Nonjudgmental Stance = Sadness is an emotion. It is not good or bad. The fact that I exhibit the symptoms I associate with sadness does not make me a bad person, nor is experiencing the emotion a good or a bad thing. It simply is. Right now, I am experiencing
sadness, that’s all. It’s okay to feel sad.
± Possible results = When I judge the sadness, I am more likely to react negatively to it by acting out with destructive behavior. When I do not judge the sadness, I am more likely to experience the emotion until it dissipates.
± Observation and Description = I notice that the corners of my mouth are turned down, my jaw muscles are tense, my eyelids seem heavy. I notice that I am tired and feel like I could cry. I notice that there is an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach.
± Judgment = Sadness is a bad emotion. When I am sad I am bad. Something is wrong with me because I feel sad.
± Nonjudgmental Stance = Sadness is an emotion. It is not good or bad. The fact that I exhibit the symptoms I associate with sadness does not make me a bad person, nor is experiencing the emotion a good or a bad thing. It simply is. Right now, I am experiencing
sadness, that’s all. It’s okay to feel sad.
± Possible results = When I judge the sadness, I am more likely to react negatively to it by acting out with destructive behavior. When I do not judge the sadness, I am more likely to experience the emotion until it dissipates.
Exercises
1. The next time you do a mundane task, try observing and describing as you complete the task. Notice when your mind begins to make a judgment. Do not get caught up in the judgment or the fact that you’ve made one. Just notice that your mind is judging and let the judgment go. See if you can continue to pay attention in more circumstances: like when you judge an observation, like when you see someone at the office or across the street or your dog greets you at the door. The point is to begin noticing when you judge what you observe so that you can begin to see what it feels like and gain skill in catching yourself in judging observations.
2. See if you can observe and describe in more emotionally charged situations. Remember to notice your judgments, but not get caught up in them. Notice the judgment in the same way that you notice tone of voice, for instance. See if it is easier to let go of volatile reactions when you withhold judgments. Part of observing is also withholding assumptions. Describe your observations to the other person. “I’m noticing that you are raising your voice. Why are you doing this?” Does the situation seem different to you? Are you seeing it in another way? Is the other way more healing?
2. See if you can observe and describe in more emotionally charged situations. Remember to notice your judgments, but not get caught up in them. Notice the judgment in the same way that you notice tone of voice, for instance. See if it is easier to let go of volatile reactions when you withhold judgments. Part of observing is also withholding assumptions. Describe your observations to the other person. “I’m noticing that you are raising your voice. Why are you doing this?” Does the situation seem different to you? Are you seeing it in another way? Is the other way more healing?
November 6 – Enjoying Life
Today, I will do something fun, something I enjoy, something just for me. I will take responsibility for making myself feel good. From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
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Mindfulness 2: You Control Your Mind & Experiences
Mindfulness 2: You Control Your Mind & Experiences
OBSERVE
The first "What" skill is observing. Attending to events, emotions and other behavior responses without trying to judge or put a value on them, we allow ourselves to experience with awareness. We are present and in the moment: mindful.
§ Notice the experience for what it is
§ Experience without reacting to your experience
§ Have a Teflon mind letting experiences, feelings and thoughts come in and out of your mind. Just notice them.
§ Be flexible in your attitudes/beliefs
§ Notice each feeling rising and falling like waves in the ocean; calm and without judgment or criticism
§ Notice what comes through your senses: your eyes, ears, nose, mouth
§ See others' actions and expressions
§ Smell the roses
DESCRIBE
This is the second step in being mindful and staying present. We can also use the describing skill to apply verbal labels to feelings. Being able to verbally describe events and feelings is necessary for avoiding emotional hijacking. Describing rationally reinforces our balanced position in Wise Mind. "Thoughts are just thoughts, feelings are just feelings." Try to describe from a rational/factual place without judgment.
§ Put words on the experience
§ Put experiences into words
§ Put a name on your feelings – don’t stuff them
§ When a feeling or thought arises, or you take action, acknowledge it
§ Thoughts are just thoughts/feelings are just feelings. Don't get caught in content or escalate
§ Stay in Rational or Wise Mind. Observe and describe facts. Without judgment, acknowledge what is
PARTICIPATE
Mindful participation is about being totally present when engaging in an activity. By participating with awareness, we can be in the moment, which allows us to step back from our lives and our thoughts. Linehan says that participation without awareness is a characteristic of impulsive and mood dependent behaviors. Ultimately we want to be able to participate without self-consciousness and the 3 “What” skills flow together.
§ Enter into your experience
§ Let yourself get involved in the moment, letting go of ruminating
§ Become one with your experience, completely forgetting yourself
§ Act intuitively from Wise Mind
§ Naturally do just what is needed in each situation, like a skillful dancer on the dance floor, be one with the music and your partner
§ Actively practice your skills as you learn them until they become a part of you, so that you use them without self-consciousness
§ Action/participation becomes effortless
DISCUSSION (Optional)
±Can you think of a situation in your life in which using the “What” skills might have kept you in Wise Mind and been helpful? How do you think the outcome would have been different? Can you make a plan to use it in a situation that is upcoming and might be difficult?
±Today pick one experience that you have - cooking a meal, going for a walk, walking your dog, watching a TV show. Observe the experience, without judging or evaluating it. Describe what you are doing or seeing, hearing or touching. Give words to your feelings. Keep them free of judgments or evaluations. Can you see that your thoughts and feelings about the experience are separate from the experience itself and that describing keeps you in a rational space?
±Try mindfully participating in something you do frequently. Concentrate and really pay attention to fully and mindfully engaging in your activity. What does it feel like for you?
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